Tired of seeing Red? 3 steps to let go of your anger.

I was so angry- I saw red.

She really pissed me off.

I was so mad- I couldn’t see straight.

Have you ever been so angry that you feel like a victim of alien abduction? 

The emotion courses through you, making you take leave of all your senses, and the only relief you can get is by lashing out at everyone- the barista, your spouse who asked about your day, and the poor schmuck who dared to say “hello” to you while you were fuming.

 Anger can consume you- literally. 

It takes over all common sense, leaves a rush of chemicals coursing through your body, and creates this inexplicable need to kick a puppy.  It feels both powerful and scary at the same time- it’s no wonder this emotion turns Dr. Bruce Banner into the Hulk.

Anger left to simmer is dangerous. 

It needs an outlet and a healthy one, otherwise it can lead to a life of bitterness, unhealthy relationships, and in some cases illness.  I’m not saying anger is bad.  Like all emotions, anger is just energy, which can be transformed. 

Intuitively, you know that your anger doesn’t serve you or anyone else.  But if it’s been hanging around for a while, it may be hard to detach, like a two year old clinging to her mom’s leg.  So how do you let your anger go- as in see you later, sayonara, hit the road jack?

Look Anger in the Eye

Take a good look at your anger, acknowledge HOW you feel. 

Become aware of how anger feels in your body. Do you feel warmer, does your jaw clench, do you shake from adrenalin?  Get to know your anger personally- chat it up-explore all the feelings and thoughts associated with WHY your‘re angry. 

Don’t tamp in down or bury it because that’s what you were modeled as a child. 

Own your anger. 

Keeping the emotion inside will affect your health.  I know from experience- for years I swallowed my anger by literally grinding my teeth.  I ended up with pointy incisors, and not in a sexy vampire way.  My dentist had to grind my teeth back to normal.  Rage that’s suppressed in the body becomes disease.  Love yourself enough to own your emotions.

Release to Beast

After you’ve accepted and acknowledge that your angry- is time to release it. 

Get it out of your system in a healthy way. 

Turn your anger outward, but not toward someone else.  Yes- you may be mad at your sister or boss, but your anger is about you not them.  They may have no clue how you feel, because in their reality nothing is wrong.  And believe me, you going up to your boss and calling him an idiot (or a different more colorful name) won’t fix anything other than it may get you fired.

There are two ways to release your anger. 

First is physical and the other is emotional.

Get the anger out of your body by finding a pillow and beating the frigging snot out of it while screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs.  Do this alone in the house, when you know you won’t be interrupted.  Don’t take a swing at a wall, door, or mirror.  Go until you feel spent, exhausted, the tears and sobs subside.  Then say “well done”- slap yourself on the back and get a glass of water. 

To clear an emotional wound, write a letter. 

You WON”T send it, but you can write to the person (even yourself) who caused you so much pain.  Explain how you feel, express yourself in any way you wish, just let all the thoughts and feelings pour out onto the paper.  Do this with pen and paper, not on a computer.  There’s a visceral connection when you physically write, that doesn’t happen when you type.

Next find matches or a lighter and burn the letter- outside over the grill, in your stainless steel sink, over a fire pit.  Make sure you’re burning it in a place that is safe to do so.  Or you can tear it up into pieces and give the letter a good flush while muttering “goodbye you piece of...” 

By destroying the letter- you’re taking a healthy step toward letting it go.

Take a page from Elsa from Frozen

Now for the hard and sucky part- time to Let it Go. 

It sounds easy but feels hard.  Your anger has been released and it’s time for it to be transformed.  This is where most people give up or give in.  The step that gets skipped, but it’s the most vital one.

Reflection.

Take a good look at your anger and ask yourself why did I get triggered?  What am I carrying around inside that caused me to react this way?  Is this a pattern for me?  Do I always react this way to this person, this situation, that word?  Go on an excavation and look at the why of your anger and not the what. 

Don’t judge. 

No self-recrimination, no self-directed hate, no saying “you idiot- what were you thinking.” None of that crap.  You were angry- you experienced an emotion- your human.  Treat yourself with grace and forgiveness.  Realize emotions aren’t bad, but a part of your experience.

Dig deeper. 

What lesson did this experience teach you?  Ouch- yep- there’s a lesson there.  Is there a relationship you need to shed?  Are you holding on to a habit that’s keeping you stuck? Did you end up in a better place?  What did you learn about yourself- a weakness or a strength?  How can you take this lesson and grow from it?

Every situation and person in this world cross our path to help us evolve as human beings.  You’ll encounter the same situations and types of people until you’ve learned the lesson- this is Karma at work.  If you skip this part, you bet Karma will keep her nose in your business until you learn.
 
Taking these steps will help you move through your anger more quickly.  Life is about being aware of your thoughts and emotions, realizing when you’re not being true to you, and rebounding as quickly as possible back into alignment.  Be kind to yourself as you navigate through your anger and it’ll release more freely.

P.S. If you have a friend who is holding onto her anger like a sword and shield, arm her with these steps instead.  Help her release and let go- she deserves to feel lighter!