4 steps to shift from fear to love

A boiling pot of gunk.  Rumbling and noxious.  Every changing from moment to moment.

My emotions are all over the place from disbelief, to overwhelm, to a deeper grief.

All due to the COVID-19 and social distancing.

I grieve the loss of memories for my daughters.  They won’t be experiencing the trip to New York City, Prom, the last semester at college, dance competitions, singing the solo in two concerts.  Instead they are in flux, stuck in a place that is so uncertain, not knowing when their lives will return to normal.

Plus, I’m pissed off. 

It’s funny how I’ve chosen a career where I work from the comfort of home.  It’s always seems a blessing, until I’m told I HAVE to work from home.  I’m crabby that the choice has been taken from me- like a piece of my freedom has been ripped away.  Silly?  Yes, but the feeling is real.  All the people in my house feels like an invasion and I’m learning to work differently.  This old dog didn’t want to learn a new trick, but we’re all being put into a position of growth.

Because that’s what this is.  The pandemic is causing us to look at our lives and adjust, whether we wanted to or not.  And this brings up emotions that we don’t really want to address and really want to sweep under the rug.

So many people are overwhelmed with fear.

I’ve talked with friends, family, co-workers, and even the Walmart stocker.  (more about him in a minute) Everyone is struggling, whether they publicly admit or not.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to be scared, angry, frustrated, and lonely.  Please don’t judge yourself or anyone else for their response to this crisis. 

I heard an amazing thing on a broadcast by Lee Harris.  He said,” The size of your fear is in direct proportion to the size of your Love.”  Beautiful.

What he meant is that if your separating yourself from Love- you will feel fear intensely.  Your sense of safety diminishes and your anxiety flares.  However, if you lean into Love, your fear lessens and subsides. 

Lean into the love you have for your family and friends. 

Lean into the love you have for your community.

Lean into the love you have for your higher power.

Lean into the love you feel deep within- the love for yourself.

By returning to love, you shine a light on your fear, and it can’t live in the light.  It shrinks and withers. Love and fear can’t exist at the same time.

How do you lean into love in this world of social distancing?

First, honor yourself.  Acknowledge how you’re feeling.  Make a list of all the yuck that’s churning your insides.  Get out a pad and pen.  Get it all out.  Look at your list.  Then, flip the page and write down all your blessings.  Focus on what’s going right for you in this moment.  Take it all in and realize that you have more to be grateful for than to worry about.

Stay connected to others.  This time’s more about physical distancing than social distancing.  Check in on your family and friends.  Pick up the phone, use video calling, write some cards and send them in the mail.  You’ll make someone’s day to know that their well being is important to you.

Take this time to practice being present.  Focus on the here and now.  Honor this time as a gift.  A chance to connect more deeply to family, to cook a new recipe, to experiment with art, to write that book, or start a new hobby. You’re being forced to slow down, make the most of it, because this too will end.  Five years from now someone will ask about your time “quarantined.” Do you want to say that you binged watched television, ate junk, and moaned about?

Now back to my Walmart stocker.  I was picking up groceries and marveling how there was so much fresh produce, but you couldn’t find applesauce, ramen, cheese, or ground beef.  I turned into an aisle and thought about needing just one jar of peanut butter and poof! there were two.  My face split in a grin and I said a silent thank you. 

The Walmart stocker, Ramon said ”I haven’t seen that in weeks.” 

I looked an him quizzically.

“A smile,” he says.  “Everyone who comes in just looks mad and they’re just mean to everyone in their path.  It’s so nice to see someone happy.”

We chatted for a bit. Yes, I was closer than 6 feet from him, but this bit of interaction soothe my soul.  I felt lifted by his positivity and I left feeling grateful for what I had in my cart.

So, my final recommendation for making the most of this time is to lift each other up.  Treat everyone you encounter with grace; you don’t know where they’re at on the fear-love spectrum.  Help when you can, don’t judge others for their own reactions, and bring love into every moment.