That weird feeling you can't name- it's grief

Lately it seems that all I want to do is stay in bed.  It’s warm and safe, like a cocoon.  The outside world’s just a glimmer in the distance as I huddle under my covers and if I stay there, I’m secure.

No matter what time I head off to bed nor how many hours I sleep- the result in the morning is the same.

I’m exhausted and I feel just off, like I’m here, but I’m not.  Everything is muted and my capacity to feel is diminished, like a thin shadow has settled over me, stifling my senses.

Yesterday, I was chatting with a friend about how she’s managing during the pandemic and heard my feelings echoed in her words.  She wasn’t feeling quite herself; her moods would shift quickly, and she felt like she’s been walking in quicksand.  And she’s not the only one.  So many of my friends have been experiencing lethargy, sadness, tiredness, and a general sense of malaise.

That’s when the lightbulb came on, and just like in a cartoon, I felt the little pop above my head and I thought ‘a-ha.’

It’s grief.

We’re all grieving.

I felt this way when my dad passed.  The sense of being untethered, a bit adrift.  It was unsettling and I felt like I was clawing my way back to normal.  One day being me and the next a shadow version myself.

We’re grieving a lost sense of safety.

A world where we felt secure.  For the most part we knew what to expect and went about our daily lives, blissfully unaware of any real danger.  It never crossed our mind, that we may be quarantined for weeks, that people would start to hoard, or that our media would be taken over with fear and negativity.

We’re grieving the lost sense of connection.

Yes, video conferencing has its advantages and many of us have embraced this technology to stay in contact.  But nothing beats a hug or being with a friend and feeling their energy as they laugh, or meeting up for a cup of coffee. 

We’re grieving the ability to choose.

I’ve written before that I work from home and it’s a choice.  But the moment I was told I should work from home, my inner rebel let out a whoop and wanted to dig in her heels.  We don’t like when our freedom of choice is limited.  Yes, we’ll do what’s best for the collective, but internally we’re grumbling.

We’re grieving what could have been.

The trips that were cancelled, the school events for our kids, the plans that were postponed till next fall, the get togethers over Easter.  All of it in limbo, like a mirage in the distance, we don’t know when these plans will appear or if they are gone for good,

Here’s the thing about grief.  It affects everyone a bit differently, but everyone is impacted by it.  You, your family, your friends, all of us has been touched by it in some way.

I’m not going to tell you how to get through it. 

I am going to tell you that what you’re feeling is normal.

And you’re not alone.

Be patient with yourself during this time.  Practice self compassion, which means that you cut yourself some slack.  If you’re having an off day, or really just want to take a nap, don’t beat yourself up or feel guilty thinking you should feel differently.  Acknowledge how you feel, knowing it won’t last forever, that it will pass, and you’ll be back to being you soon.

Practice self care- love yourself like it’s your job!  Shower yourself with loving attention, whatever that looks like for you.  I’m all about long walks to soak up the sun, at home mani-pedi’s, catching up on my reading, and yes, napping when I need it.

Finally, remember to breathe.  Slowly and deeply, multiple times a day.  When you connect to your breath you bring yourself to the present moment and just for that moment, grief temporarily slips away.

It’s true that the World is changing, and things will never be the same. However, it’s through change that we grow stronger, more adaptable, and discover how deep our love flows.